不为什么。。

考试啦！
我又发疯了，
尤其独自在房时。
昨夜竟然有从窗口跳下的冲动，
但放心，就只是冲动。

压力说没有是骗人的。
但我却常常忙里偷闲，
还有时间帮同学做笔记。

偶尔的一杯咖啡，一本好书，
再加上动听的音乐，
也是考试的减压方法。
至少是对我有效。
也得谢谢一位同学，
知道我喜欢读哪类的书后，
就从家乡运回来了。
要不然我可闷死了。

也有一段时间没来这里留下痕迹了，
是因为开始有写日记的习惯了。
所以可能以后也不这么长来这里了。

还有，
要说声迟来的，
新年快乐！

His life. Full Stop.

I knew it !! I just knew it !! There must be something go wrong back home ! I can sense it from your voice. I can know that you all are trying to hide something from me. But i just act silly, as if there is really nothing goes wrong.

BUT fact is always a fact. I never expect something so BIG ! One thing. Life is unexpected. Dont fool around with GOD. When he gets angry, he will do anything to do. I am scared, very scared perhaps. One by one, GOD takes away your souls. You feel nothing. Your loved one feel the pain, the heart-breaking.

I knew it, i should admit. I just not dare to face it. I was silly. I was guessing who will be that one, before i rang dad. One by one, I listed down. From grandma to far-relative. I make a list. My heart is not strong enough to face it without preparation. I tell myself, if it was popo, I will fly back straight away without caring about exam and classes.

I hate myself for cursing my own popo. But I am scared to loss her in fact. Dad is always the one who is brave enough to tell me to face the real world. So, yesterday night, GOD takes him away from us. Or shall i say , HE returns to the place he comes from.

He is still young. but nobody can control birth and death. its god's will. Without any realization, my mood swings from red to blue. Now, i understand. Nothing is more precious than life. Small obstacles means nothing compare to life.

What shall i say ? Nothing more....

翻来覆去，却还无法入眠。所以就干脆起来数星星算了。好歹明天的课不早，不然又一幅黑脸了。虽然已凌晨两点钟了，但校园还是不时传来喧闹声。对面邻居的灯也还是亮着的。想去烦烦人家，又不好意思，猜想大家都会周公去了。

什么都不想做，或因该说什么都做不了。眼睛虽然是睁开着的，但脑是死了的。这样的状况去做功课一定错误连篇。又不想整理房间，虽然乱得不得了。只想坐在这里废着。讲起我的房间，就觉得对不起天下的女人。昨天啊，两个不速之客竟然来侵犯我的房间。简直是不用通过我的同意，就跑进去了。从门口他俩就以一幅死样子看着。原来他们真真来的原因是来把我当笑柄的。没有一个停止埋怨我房里的点点滴滴。好啦，我承认我房是乱了点。但，他们却形容到不行。

说我杯子没洗啦。笑我被单没折啦。还给他们发现每扫清洁的垃圾。还有啊，从他们一进去，我就开着门，然后躲在门的旁边。他们挺聪明的，知道我有不对劲，把我拉开一把，真相大白！看到他们的表情，好像看到鬼那样。我只是把要洗的衣服堆在那边罢了吗，也只是小小一座山。就这样，一整个晚上，我就被这两个自认他们房间比我好很多倍的男生笑饱。还在我的门口写着：nodame gumi's room，而且是擦不掉的。

明早在班上，一班人类就把我的房间发扬光大了。还要假好心，对我保证就只有我们班的男生会知道，这是什么烂好心啊！天啊，竟然扯到这里了。不想再写了，要在天亮前入眠！！晚安！

10 minutes in 24 hours

I don't have time for this,actually. But, i want to squeeze some time for it also. This is call de-stress. Lab reports keep bombarding us. manufacturing records keep haunting us. I can even hear my dearest doctor professor lecturing in my dreams. It has been routine everyday. Very busy, but found no satisfication. Classmates and family have been very supportive. I am getting less and less time to play now. Instead, more time to spend in a labaratory dealing with all sorts of chemical. I am not blaming nor complaining. It is tough, but I enjoy being in it. Seem like everyone here, me included, has been falling into the 'shocking' mode. No one expected to be so stressful. But, stress make us stronger, at least for me.

Mommy, I will not be able to call home as often as before this. Im sorry, but I really miss you. You know what? Everytime i woke up from sleep, its been a good thing to see you and hug u from the back. But, I cant enjoy this enjoyment anymore. Instead, I hug the pillow and see myself inside the mirror, and ask the person to keep moving on. I am tired now,both physically and mentally. Bunch of reports and studies are waving their hands at me. I better go off now.

P/S: dearest stars, can you go and tell mommy i miss her...

Standing on the land that I called a dream in the past.
Realized it is just a shit in reality.
Covered by disappointment every morning i wake up.
Because today is just another shit in short.
Fake smile, boring people, lousy conversation.
All these made up my day in general.

Am I expecting too much ?
Am I being too pessimistic?
In some way, yes I am.
Because I may be surrounded by thousand peoples.
Deep inside my heart, i feel extremely lonely.

Why is it so hard to find one person out of the thousands people,
is someone i am finding for ?
Be it a girl, or a boy.

When someone is tired of pretending,
The next thing that will happen is she/he will break down.
And crying to themselves, with a smile to others.
At that time, being alone is much more easier than surrounded by others.

After talking so much rubbish,
Till the end,
I still need the love from everyone beside me.
Because I am not strong enough to stand alone.

boom boom pow !!

What do you think if 2 accidents happened in just 3 days, same car, different spot,diferrent driver. It freak me out, totally. Last friday, brother banged his car while he was on his way to his working place. This morning, mom banged another malay lady's car. I was sitting beside my mom. But it took me around 10 seconds for me to realized that we were having accident ! First thing that come to my mind was. What the f ! Again ?!

Mom was like a mad woman. Jumping down the car shouting and pointing at the lady. Yes, i know this is not my mum's fault. But, screaming at them only will make situation worse. Its already happened , no use blaming anyone. I just want the lady to give us sufficient money to re-repair ( the car JUST done repairing yesterday), no reporting in the police station, and everyone is still in good shape. But, most of the time i was just like a dummy standing there and smiling to myself.

The very best thing im good at is, called my brother and every man in my life that can save me ( please dont be annoyed if i happened to call you and tell you, oh fiak! faster come. i just banged ppl car). Dad's mechanic is so good at negociating ! He just know what to say and when to talk, when to shut-up. Totally 'xing shang' him. Brother was so calm and cool ! The malay lady who at first talked like a real slut, suddenly changed her tone into a very beragama lady. Thank god,in my life, you ppl never failed to protect me .

So, at last. The lady willing to pay us. No repoting, no fight, just shock and some drama. Thats all. And i hope that is really all.


No matter whose fault. It just doesnt make me feel good. Everything happened for a reason right ?! How about this one ? I dont know.I just able to pray hard everyone i love dearly stay safe, just safe, and I will be happy.

TANG SHIYU, I talked about you !

You stupid cow, you are such a pain at the arse ! But, i love you, too much i can say. Talking to you bring me back to those time we spend almost everyday together. When you told me am the one you need in your new uni and you couldnt find anyone else. do you know, my babe darling, i wish we could spend our life together.

still remember those time we like to stand on the balcony, looking up the sky and talking about our dreams. Tell you the truth, never in my life, i found someone like you who almost has the same dreams like i do. you make me feel close and comfort. We plan to go university together, spend our four university years together, then what?? we are going to have our own pharmcy and the lady bosses are US !! we said we want go high-tea then leave the work for the workers. gosh.. we are so good in dreaming. But im happy we got the chance to dream together.

The another amazing thing we share in common is we have the same height and weight !! and same tights as well !!!hahaha... remember that time we were so annoyed of our huge elephant tights so we begin to rub that massage cream on them and wrap them with food wrapping film,then we go for our yoga classes. hahahah!!! another stupid yet fun thing we did together.

my sweetheart, you never know how much joy and happiness you have brought to those stupid boring dull college life. until you appeared in front of my room door, you life changed, totally !! I started to enjoy life again, and i laughed like a mad woman again. I love you, TANG SHIYU !!

Still remember how we spend our very first clubbing experience. now i realized how bold we are! went clubbing with those guys we hardly know and share a hotel room with them. Before this, we hve been wishing we could try our first time as soon as possible. Usually other girls will not join us if we plan to go for clubbing. But you, the only one, who are as normal as i am(haha), willing to go with me. I have no idea whether this is good or bad memories for you. But we definitely have fun that night right.

Shiyu, I am just here to tell you, we might not be able to attach together anymore. But, every single minutes we shared together will always stay in my heart. Its god will to let me meet you half-way thru our college life. and its also his will not to let us stick together after that. Never mind, i dont care, i will make sure i meet up with you a lotsss.. You are the most kind girl i ever met and every good moral values you can name. Really. I always think that i have lots of thing to learn from you. Slowly, you will realized that.

so, no matter what. i will always here to be your special someone. whether your babe, your listener or your lesbian partner( ok ,im kidding). promise, ok ! Again, i love u dearly. mwah ! ^^